A Reminder to Ourselves ......Things We Say / Things We Don't Say

1. "I am fighting cancer"  Really? Yes really. Fighting is aggressive. When has aggression been the answer to anything worth having? It often comes from anger. Anger is a negative emotion. When someone says they are kicking cancer's butt they are telling themselves that it is about fighting. We say "cancer is leaving me, it is leaving this sphere, it is not coming back".

2.  "Today is going to be a good day" with or without cancer, the deal is always the same, we only Have so many of them, the past does not exist, neither does the future, one is a memory, the other is a creation of our imagination. So we will enjoy today.

3.  " I can't" ... This may be perfectly true, but it does not apply to everything. It is better to say " I  can"  and to concentrate on what I can do. There are lots of them.

4.  " People will be looking at me /with pity/ dislike/ etc -  pick loads of negative ideas... The truth  is that even if a person going through cancer may look different in some way such as a loss of hair, Etc. their heart is the same, the person is the same, any changes are merely cosmetic, and True friends don't care about the cosmetics, those who are not inclined to be friends would not  care either way, they have more important things to focus on like their own friends and families. Their own lives. We say, " I am me, I am a good person, with a good heart, and my friends know that"

Right, that's enough thoughts for now.. I have to go to work to have a good day! Have a good day yourself if you have got this far.

Good News, lots of Phews!

Mandy has just about had the fortnight from hell, with the many effects of chemo, the onset of lymph oedema, and then discovering the serious concerns of the doctors over the possible cause of the lymphoedema and concern that cancer may be  causing the problem. Understandably, at times she has been mentally, physically and emotionally stretched, but has tried so hard to protect me from all of that by saying she is fine, when I can see that she is not. 

Well,  the appointment we were almost hoping would never arrive, had to be faced today. We were getting the results of the scans on the area of the last operation, and received the news that the scan did not show anything. Fantastic news, and such a relief, because at times like these the mind goes all over the place.

Tonight feels much different to the way we both thought it may feel. 

Thank you everyone for your kind support. It is getting Mandy through all of this.

Sorry for moaning!

Having not posted for some weeks I had hoped that there would have been great improvements in my emotional and physical wellbeing so as I could write a somewhat more humorous and positive post. 

The past weeks have been quite tough with the dreaded and unwelcome onset of lymphoedema! Which has been a great cause of emotion, worry and concern. This has meant yet further hospital appointments, examinations, blood tests and scans. 

After seeing a lymphoedema specialist it has been decided that part of the treatment and therapy needed is to be fitted with a compression sleeve! This is something I have at present been advised to wear throughout the day, every day! jOY! So now I await it's delivery!

Just when I thought I was doing amazingly well throughout this diagnosis, tests and surgeries followed by the chemo and feeling so positive and in control of my state of mind, it would seem together with the lymphoedema and build up of a variety of side effects from a combination of the surgery, chemotherapy and the medication my emotional state of mind is at present being tested to it's limit!

Added to my worries are the fact that in a matter of weeks i shall be financially compromised too when i have to accept the fact of being forced into having to go on to half pay even though I have yet to endure another two more cycles of chemo!

I try not to complain but the following are just some of the things I have been putting up with from day to day! 

Aching limbs,
Peeling hands,
Sore feet, 
Numb toes,
Numbness in tips of fingers,
Constipation,
diarrhoea,
Lose of taste,
Dry eyes,
Dry skin, 
Swollen arm,
Aching joints,
Aching ribs,
Sore mouth,
Tightness in arm,
Tightness, aching in breast,
Stiffness in shoulder.

One or two things at a time is manageable but an accumulation of many, only then needs that one more small thing placed on top to bring everything crashing down!

Nick is unbelievably the most amazing person in my life! Throughout everything, he is there constantly by my side doing all he possibly can, whenever he can or whenever I'll allow him to! He couldn't physically or emotionally give any more support than he already does! He has and is being pushed to the limits and to be honest tries far too hard at times! 

Always thinking of others and never of himself he has carried a lot of weight along this journey we have walked together. It has been made all the easier because of his strength and support. He is the most beautiful, selfless, kind hearted man I have ever come to know and I count my lucky stars that we have each other's unconditional love for all time! 

Words are not enough to express how thankful I am to be so blessed to have someone so wonderful in my world and to know without doubt that I am truly loved and cared for and that I too have the most wonderful satisfaction and  tremendous overwhelming feeling of love for someone so special to my heart. 

North v South, East v West

When the going gets tough, the tough keep staying. The last week has been one of the toughest Mandy has had, with quite a lot going on. On the other hand, this journey constantly brings us into contact with inspirational people, a true testimony to the strength of the human spirit.

 4th chemo done today, only two to go now. 

Mandy inspires me to be a better me, a more courageous me, not to see the glass half empty or even half full, but to simply see that it is a glass with drink, and that the quantity is s somehow irrelevant. at the same time, our approach to treatment is North v South, East v West, we are poles apart. Mandy likes to know all the details, I prefer the blissful head in the sand approach, maybe it's a woman v man thing, I can't stand hospital reality shows either, and don't even get me started on Shows like " embarrassing Bodies", I mean why would you? 

Somehow however, I think this combination makes us a strong team. At least I would like to think so, and that keeps me positive.